Beyond the ordinary

They call her resilient.

The girl child.

The girl child.

The girl child.

The one who learns too early that the world already has expectations for her.

Be quiet, but speak up for yourself.

Be confident, but do not be too loud.

Have dreams, but make sure they do not inconvenience anyone.

Be strong, but never make others uncomfortable with your strength.

The girl child.

The one whose pain is called exaggeration, whose questions are called disrespect, whose ambition is called unrealistic, and whose voice is often corrected before it is ever truly heard.

She is taught to carry.

To carry family expectations.

To carry cultural expectations.

To carry the burden of being good, being obedient, being grateful, being everything but sometimes never being herself.

But the girl child does not remain a girl forever.

She becomes a woman.

A woman who still remembers every time she was told to lower her voice.

A woman who has become skilled at shrinking herself so that others can feel bigger.

A woman who knows how to put everybody first.

The children come first.

The husband comes first.

The family comes first.

The job comes first.

The community comes first.

Even the expectations of society come first.

And somewhere, beneath all the important things, she places herself last.

They applaud her for carrying everything.

They call her virtuous.

They call her selfless.

They call her strong.

But sometimes, what they call resilience is simply a woman who was never given permission to rest. Sometimes, what they call strength is suffering that has been normalised.

Sometimes, what they call sacrifice is a woman slowly disappearing from her own life.

But today, I speak to that woman.

The woman whose dreams are still waiting.

The woman who has forgotten the sound of her own voice.

The woman who questions whether she is good enough.

The woman who is afraid that choosing herself will make her selfish.

You are not selfish for remembering yourself.

You are not difficult for using your voice.

You are not ungrateful for wanting more.

You are not too old, too late, too loud, too ambitious or too much.

You are a woman.

Not only a bearer of burdens.

Not only a helper.

Not only a mother, wife, daughter, sister or caregiver. You are also a person with dreams worthy of becoming real.

And as you rise, remember the girl child coming behind you.

The girl watching how you speak about yourself.

The girl learning what womanhood means by watching what you tolerate.

The girl who may not yet have the words to explain her pain, her poverty, her loneliness or the limitations placed around her.

Raise her voice. Make space for her dreams.

Tell her that her skin is not a limitation.

Her hair is not a problem.

Her background is not a burden.

Her story is not something to hide.

Tell her she is worthy before the world tries to convince her otherwise.

The resilient woman is not simply the woman who survives everything.

She is the woman who decides that she deserves more than survival.

She rests. She speaks. She dreams. She asks for help. She takes up space. She reaches backwards and raises another woman with her.

She is still resilient, but now, she is no longer praised only for what she can carry. She is celebrated for who she is becoming.